I still can't sleep

Is this gonna just continue until the weekend after next? I hope not. I dislike sleep, but, I still need it. Though, I didn't try to go to bed earlier tonight, so, hopefully I'll be able to rack out soon and get some meaningful sleep.

I still feel weird. Too weird to be comfortable. Too much like something is missing, or maybe present but just not functioning. The nights recently have been hard. Very unbalanced, neurotic, paranoid, disconnected... I think maybe I'm in a depressed slump, but, not like one I've ever felt before. During the afternoon and early evening I'm ok, but, it seems like the rest of the time I'm only partially in my body. Maybe that explains this recent blood fetish I haven't been able to shake. It's very weird, I don't want to die, quite the opposite, actually. But, I want to see proof that I'm alive. Feel pain to know my body is real. Is this what masochists feel? It's scary, but, I like it. And, hell, as long as I'm not huddled in the bathroom stabbing myself with a fork, it's not that bad, right? Everyone has little dark desires, just most people aren't conceited enough to talk about them.

I need to sleep, times just whipping by, which is weird because I'm not doing anything. : /