Tomorrow is the last day of the first week of quitting again. Today I lost my nicotine patch for about two hours, I put it in a bad spot and it wound up sticking to my shirt and migrating around to the middle of my back, contact side away from my body. I only realized it wasn't in place when I started getting washed over with withdraw symptoms, cravings that the patch almost completely eliminates. Nothing can put you in a bad mood faster than walking unprepared into a situation where your body screams for you to feed it what it wants. Well, nothing except having your boss tell you that you're going to work late on Friday evening in a bid to prevent the entire crew from having to come in on Saturday, and if you fail to eliminate enough of the work load it's going to be an early morning on Saturday, no matter how late you stay on Friday. I could've cried. At least I found the patch, so between the delay of when the nicotine quit entering my blood from my skin (it keeps soaking through for at least an hour after you take off or lose a patch) and when I got it secured right-side-touching again, there was only about 90 minutes when I really had to battle myself to not kill anyone and/or seek a smoke from one of the dozen or so of my crew who smoke.

When I got home, I went right to bed, and now I wish I hadn't. I slept for maybe four hours, and now I'll be lucky if I can get back to sleep before 5 or 6 AM. To help things along, someone I can usually rely on to pick me up and help hold me together when I feel like I'm about to fly apart was having a horrible day in their own right, and my general bad mood did not mix with theirs in anything remotely resembling decency. I need more friends here in town, it's just so hard for me to find people that I can even relate to, let alone like and want to spend time with. I'm gonna go crawl back in bed and hide under the covers until it's time to go to work. At least somewhere along the path of my life I've learned how to not dwell on the fear of how bad tomorrow might be, which is almost as valuable as my natural aversion to killing myself, no matter how despicable I feel I am. Tomorrow will be better, I will find a way to make tomorrow better, if not for everyone, then just for myself.