Uhhhh

A lesson learned. I don't make tasty margaritas... but damn they're potent. Three little ones have left me barely able to type. Sorry I've been slacking on the blog. Basically I've spent the last week or so wallowing in self pity and was too busy to trouble you all with it. Those I haven't talked to in a while, I miss you and hope you're all doing well, to those I have, I'm glad we're able to stay in contact despite distances, schedules, and other conflicts that would conspire to seperate us.

Anyway, I'm gonna go watch T.V. and try to sober up enough to lay down... Later.

Scandal!

My parents spent the weekend down in Denver feeding some youth group retreat. In their off time they hung out with Grandma K, my dad's mom. Nothing unusual, they see her at least once a month. However, when they returned tonight, they had some souvenirs with them. Two quilts made for my grandma when she was a child, some afghans, a basket full of other random stuff, including a heritage book, which proclaimed to contain history of our family from the middle ages on. The first stop was the thick tagboard page in the middle which has the family crest printed on it. It's the first time I've seen the Kramer heraldry, I was a bit curious to see it. The family crest on my mom's side has always been a bit of a joke around the dinner table, it's literally a log with a fist growing out of it.

The Kramer crest however is much more lavishly appointed, with curls and eagles surrounding a lion with three pomegranates framing the bottom. And chevrons. All done in blue and gold. My mom got a look at it a minute or two before I did, so, while I was still taking in the heraldry she started to laugh and said, "You guys are French! I knew there was something wrong with you!"

Confused, I rushed my eyes to the bottom of the page where a detailed description of the crest was. My eyes caught something that looked possibly French, it definitely wasn't German. Before I could register what was going on my dad defensively slapped the book shut and proclaimed, "We are not."

My mom teasingly pressed the subject and my dad got extremely defensive. I still don't know what was going on, but you can rest assured I'll find out at the earliest time I can get the book away from my dad. I assume it said something about our family originating in France, but living in Germany long enough to be considered Deutsch... It would be a killing blow to my already vague and pathetic sense of cultural heritage if that isn't the case. Kramer is a German name, but, there's always been some debate over how much our name changed when that part of the family came over to the States in the mid-late 1800's. It was before the big Ellis island immigration rush of the 20th century, but, I don't think by much. I can't wait to investigate this!

Sports commentators are stupid. In regards to a boardercross race in the olympics, I just heard one of the idiots with a microphone say 'Ooooh, Frieden takes the lead, ya know, if she can maintain that lead she'll find she wins this race.'

>.<

Holy shit. We pay these people.

Yay it's Friday. I have to run to get to the bank to get cash for the weekend, plus I wanna pick up Flyleaf's CD. They're pretty promising, I like the three or so songs I've heard on the radio. I think this'll be the first CD that I've bought for myself in at least two years, if not more. >.< Wow. The last cd I bought for myself was the cowboy bebop complete ost box set. Anyway, off I go. Might get a bottle of booze and hide in my room all weekend, if I do you'll hear lots more from me. ;)

And now for something completely different.

When I was on my little mini-vacation to Virginia, by far the coolest thing I got to see aside from the aircraft carrier with all the fighter jets on deck for parade as we were landing in Norfolk, was the Peninsula Fine Arts Center. It's a small gallery that only had 2 main exhibits and a third exhibit lining the hallway between the gift shop and the restrooms. The main exhibit was on strobe-flash photography, which was neat, but, I saw it more as applied science than fine art. Studies on the effects of a bullet passing through balloons, or the human body in motion. The secondary exhibit, which had one piece, "The Scream" in a darkened alcove immediately inside the front entrance, then two more such kinetic sculptures in the back in a larger darkened room. The sculptures were all by Gregory Barsamian, and if you've never heard of him, I highly recommend following that link to his website. It has some cool flash movies of several of his sculptures, including "The Scream", but not the other two that were at the PFAC. Make sure you have pop-up blocking software disabled when you go to his sight, you won't get any advertisements, I promise. ;)

How his sculptures work is... well, described on his sight. Basically he uses a specifically timed strobe to create 3D animation. The sculptures are right in front of you, you can feel the breeze they put off as they spin at high rpm. If it wasn't for little glow-in-the-dark ropes that keep you about 4 feet away from them, I probably would've broken one reaching out to touch it. They're very mesmerising, as he claims, they kind of put you in a surreal dream state where the laws of physics shatter and everything you know of the world hides away in the back of your mind.

I'm sad that his other two PFAC exhibit sculptures aren't on his website. One was cute, a series of postcards depicting bizaare and macabre things, like people falling into the grand canyon and New York city being enveloped in a mushroom cloud. The other was so cool and powerful I can barely recall how it actually was, so, let me try to seperate my impressions from my actual memories. A 4 foot or so tall madona stood transfixed and unmoving while a pair of hands opened a book which flapped and flew away from the hands as they opened it. Above the Marian figure's head disembodied hands caught the book and tore it to shreds. I think. Between the heat and humidity and overwhelming sensory input I can't remember correctly. If you're ever in the south-eastern corner of Virginia, definitely head to Newport News and take in the PFAC, on the mainland side of the rivers of Hampton Roads it's the only thing worth seeing. That I was taken to see at least. I really wanted to go to the beach and get some fresh crab cakes, but, what can ya do? I should've gotten a rental car. ^_^

Today was so long. I'm exhausted. Feeling additionally worn out now that all the crises and emergencies have seemed to end, and I've had a chance to breathe. I wanna just crawl into bed and ignore the world for a little while, so, that's what I'm gonna do. Sleep is the best medicine for abandonment. When I wake up I'll be able to focus on you friends who haven't thrown me aside. But, like I said, tonight I'm going to be selfish and retreat.

Component Entertainment

So, I finally managed to get my dvd player and ps2 hooked up to the little tiny dorm-sized tv down here with the help of my old vcr! So, I lost stereo sound, but, I think that's ok, cause I think the tv only has one speaker, right front in the middle. I'm happy that I don't have to divide my monitor into another sub-section, though, maybe if I wanna watch 2 or 3 things at once...

Organization

Aww, I moved my computer away from my bed. :( It's ok cause I couldn't read my monitor while I was laying with my head at the head of the bed anyway. I hooked up my speakers, back in september(?) my friends Paul and John bought me some really nice headphones, because they were sick of my computer's tiny little sound system deafening them. The only problem is, no matter how nice, headphones hurt my earlobes, give me headaches and other obnoxious problems. So, like I said I hooked my speakers back up. I should've remembered to make sure the sound was all the way down, but, oops. I don't think I woke anyone up above me, haven't heard any angry stomping heading my way. Probably just scared 'em too bad and they have no idea where the noise came from. ^ ^

Closure

So, it's done. I gave Dave my house key and picked up the last of my stuff, a dresser and three folding chairs, and now I'm free. It's nice, the situation there had been weird for... well, the couple of months since Dave's girlfriend cheated on him to get him to break up with her and he started using me as his emotional punchingbag. I feel very peaceful right now, like it's hard to maintain my motivation. I'm sure in a day or two I'll be back in gear, but, right now I feel like I deserve a break. That's why I doubt I'll unload the dresser and chairs for a few more hours at least. I'm basking in the ending of that long, drawn out situation. It's kind of nice seeing the majority of my worldly possessions piled in boxes taking up what space they can. I need to go through and throw a lot of stuff away or donate it to habitat for humanity or goodwill or whatever. I guess it's because I don't own my own home, but, I don't like having so much stuff. For just such hypothetical reasons as: roommate freaks out inexplicably and tells you to be out of the house in 19 days. Jeez, never actually thought something like that would happen, but, I'm glad I kept around all the boxes I used to move in back in August. Anyway, pairs free skate is on. Don't tell anyone I like to watch figure skating, ok? ^ ^

Relaxing

Weekends rule. I'm sad this one's already over. I got about half of my moving done. I wanted to be completely done, but, I've got two more weeks before I -have- to have everything out of the old place. I plan on bein done by Tuesday, but we'll see how that actually works out. I didn't want to move my monstrously heavy TV downstairs, so, we made a nook for it to live in the garage, but, the little TV down here in my room doesn't have any inputs aside from a single coax jack, so, my dvd player and ps2(which gets used as a back-up dvd player) are just dust collectors for the time being. At least I have a dvd-rom, so, I can still watch movies or anime when I want to.^ ^

Slacking

Ehm, oops. I slept all day. Dropped the A-Z lyrics for LyricsFreak in the sidebar(no popups, better organization, cleaner page, not obnoxious colors ^ ^).

Haven't written anything. Haven't touched my camera. Didn't do any moving or anything today, at least I can get away with it. I'll be productive tomorrow. For now, back to sleep. :)

Environmental Management

Well, I don't have to clean the house this weekend. On our lunch break, as it was ending, and I was walking out the door to drive back to work, Dave stopped me with an urgent message he was supposed to give me from his parents (our landlords). They want me to vacate the house by March 1st.

That's a fucking awesome message to get on February 9th.

So, refusing to panic I continued on my way back to work and made some phone calls. Rather than spend almost three weeks in a house I'm not welcome in (Dave's delivery made it pretty obvious this was his decision, he's been blaming his personal problems on me since his girlfriend left him and moved back to california, being sick of being the brunt of his scapegoating), I've retreated to my parent's house on the outskirts of town, and have reclaimed my old territory of 'The Basement' until I can get my own place, probably mid April, maybe not until the June apartment rush if I'm really unlucky.

All I have to say is one word:
FUCKROOMMATES


I feel better, don't you?

Correction

After watching TV tonight I retract most of the comments I made earlier deploring the state of cleanliness in my house. It still grosses me out, but, there are no bugs, rodents, mold, food, or other health risk piled anywhere. Eww, I can't describe this place on TV that had a roach infestation. We've had one spider in the house, it was huge, and came in from the garden, other than that, I suppose it really just resembles a messy guy place, not a place below third-world standards.

Now I feel better.

In other news, my roommate's puppy has a benign tumor on his side, it's getting big quickly (i.e. three days ago it was a bump, typical mole size, today it's around gumball size). The veterinarian doesn't want to operate, and we're progressing under the assumption that it'll just fall off... or something. It doesn't seem to cause him any pain or irritation, he'll let you poke it and squeeze it all day without flinching, and we've only caught him chewing on it once. I think it was just coincidental that he was chewing on his bump, the dog seems to chew on any bodily protrusion that gets too close to his mouth. Really, he'll chew on anything that gets too close to his mouth. It took months to break him of chewing as a sign of affection. I really wish the vet had just decided to knock the dog out and slice the damn thing off, it grosses me out.

Mixing

Dave's discovered an interesting 'I can't sleep' remedy.

Take 3 or 4 scoops of powdered countrytime lemonade, 6 oz. water, 2 oz. tequila

mix together in a standard size drinking glass, enjoy.

It tastes like... lemonade that really wishes it were a margarita, but, I can't taste the tequila. Now to sit back and see if it softens my nerves enough to sleep.

CSS

I'm gonna have to fiddle around in the code for the blog to resize stuff, accomodate the new map java script thingy in the entertainment sidebar. Plot yourself! I don't think it can handle international stuff, maybe though. That would be very cool. Right, I was going to bed... later!

Living conditions

Imagine, if you will, a bachelor pad of some repute, where non-bachelors come to evade their female-types. A magical land full of computers, TV's, stereos, alcohol and caffeinated beverages. A place with no women to ever tell the boys to do their chores. Never-neverland in a more urban, modern environment.

Now imagine that magical refuge's bathroom.

Yeah. Well, it only took me about 30 minutes to clean the hell out of it. I mean really, really clean the hell out of it. I delivered a righteous beatdown to the grime growing around places where water once traveled. And now, so help me god, that bathroom with stay in its pristine condition or I will scrub it with someone's goatee next time. I can't begin to describe what level of filth it takes to make me freak out and clean something. Third world countries would condemn conditions as reproachable long before I lifted a finger.

Next stop is the kitchen, but, since it's a large kitchen it's going to take me at least 2 hours to clean it, probably all day factoring in dishes. Trying to wrangle my roommate into helping is useless, he's so despondent lately I don't know how to reach him, let alone coerce him into putting effort in to anything. I'll do the kitchen this weekend.

For the record it's really obnoxious having to take care of myself, let alone an entire house. When I move out of here it's going to be into a small apartment, and friends will only be allowed to visit for 5 minutes while I gather my things for us to leave (thus circumventing them from laying waste to the delicate balance of keeping my own place clean I imagine I'll employ). That is unless I win the 200-and-some-million dollar powerball jackpot. In which case I'll build a zepplin and hire a crew that includes maintenance people to clean up for me. They won't have clearance to the death ray deck though, that's for henchmen and kidnapped scientists only.

Anyway, I'll leave plotting world domination until tomorrow, I still can't sleep right, but, I need to give it a chance.

Physical recovery

I'm worn out from all the traveling I did this weekend, still. I love flying, but, I don't love sitting cramped in coach between two people. They obviously weren't considering people over 6 feet tall when they decided how many seats to smash into an airplane. A few of the seats made me feel pressured laterally, too. It made me glad I'm scrawny, if I was at all plump I would've been compacted beyond tolerable dimensions.

A long week

And it ends without me getting a break before starting the next one. Fuckin JOY. Ok, sorry bout the sarcasm and self pity. Really, I had fun this weekend, and, I got an answer to the question that drove me to hop a couple airplanes and shoot myself 1600 miles away from home.

Before I let your imaginations go to far, I'm claiming this as a trip of self-discovery. I learned alot about human beings, and I did learn some things about myself. I might elaborate later, right now I'm still trying to get caught up from 3 days without net access. o.O

I'm leaving on a jet plane...

I know when I'll be back. Sunday night. Talk to you guys then.

Exploration

For the first time in... I don't know, weeks I guess, I woke up and I didn't feel guilty. I'm relieved that phase seems to be over. To those who got caught in the line of fire, I'm sorry. It's normally my policy to avoid collateral damage at any cost, but, desperate times call for desperate measures. If there's any question, it was a desperate time.

It's just a smidgen over 24 hours until I have to hit the road to get to the airport in time to make my flight for my mini-vacation. What am I going to find out east? Who knows, right now I don't really care what I find. Unlike the traditional explorers, I'm not adventuring to find a shorter route to a destination, nor am I seeking some geographical singularity or artifact.

I go forward simply because that is the direction I have to go. I can't look back, can't think too much about how I got where I am. All I can do is keep my eyes on the horizon and watch unflinchingly for what awaits. That is one way I find comfort. Think it's weak or cowardly if you will, but, I dare you to face the unknown without the security and defenses you've built up and dug in behind. I have fears and doubts, but, I refuse to let those determine how I live. I let my fear of hurting others and being hurt by others control me, it was a mistake.

So am I more wise now than I was yesterday? That I don't know, but, I do know that every step I take forward, every seemingly insignificant inch gained is towards where-ever it is that I'm trying to go. It must seem like I care less about people than ever before, but, if you ever believed anything I said, believe that isn't true. This is my fair warning, this is my flashing yellow light for all of you I feel for.

...

Today was weird. I almost felt peaceful. Not quite, but, over all an improvement of the last few weeks. I bet I'll feel even better after I've slept. Later.

Survival

I don't know if I'll be home today, at least, I doubt I'll be home long enough to update anything.

Recovery

If you couldn't tell, I'm a little... all over the place right now. I can't make any apologies. Right now I can't even explain why. All I know is I won't break her heart any more.

























I'm sick.

Entertainment

Your element is Darkness. You are the truly evil

one with a black heart and no soul. People avoid you since you cause so much trouble and

enjoy seeing others in pain. You would like nothing more than to rule this earth and be

hailed by all. Everyone is annoying and stupid anyway and are a waste of oxygen. You

are probably a cast-away from society and family and have had a tough life where you

learned to live the hard way. Now you want revenge on your pain and can no longer feel

love nor care. You do not wish to befriend anyone and you certainly do not wish to be in

love. As a student of having learnt everything the hard way, you tend to be

manipulative when you want something for yourself. In your head there is only you

that matters, and why shouldn't it? No one cares about you so why should you? In school

you probably ditch classes and go somewhere else instead of sitting in a classroom. It is

not that you are stupid, because you're probably very smart, but everyone annoy you.

And having to sit in the same room, breathing the same air as your enemies is not desired

by you.


What is your element? [with pics + detailed answeres]
brought to you by Quizilla


I don't think that's fair at all. I wonder how the results will change if I modify my final answer...


Your element is Light. Your heart is pure and

shining with love. You believe in the goodness of those around you and give almost

everyone a smile. You are not the kind to hide your happiness and tend to smile all day

long, both in and out. But when sadness hits you, you become very devastated and may be

upset for quite some time. What you need in your life is friends, friends who will love

you unconditionally, like you love them. But you have a naive nature and don't always

notice when someone is trying to hurt you. Some would say you are oblivious to mean

people, which makes you an easy target. However, your true friends will probably be

there for you and save you. In school you are either the popular one or the little weird

one. It all depends if "the higher people" find your caring side irritating

or not. Nevertheless, you have a bubbly personality and are social. Big partys may

not be your thing since you want bonding time with your friends, so slumber-partys fit you

more. You like the happy things in life and like everyone else to be as happy as you are.


What is your element? [with pics + detailed answeres]
brought to you by Quizilla


BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAhahaha
hehe these personality quizes almost distract me from hating myself. Almost. I think I like these quizes because I like seeing what other people think of us as a species. I do like how one little answer creates a paradox. That's very typical of my life.

You are sad because of your grief


Why are you sad? [amazing pictures] For darker people
brought to you by Quizilla

Too bad almost all of it is self inflicted. ^ ^

One step forward

Why do we do the things we do? How can it be justified in our minds to do things so irrational? So baseless. I don't understand what purpose emotions have when they force us to behave in ways we cannot describe, or even really understand. Two hours hasn't netted any more words, so, I'm going to give up for now.